Every one of us, consciously or unconsciously, affects the
objects and people around us, including ourselves, on a continual basis. Think
about the expression 'laughter is contagious.' Well, sure it is! How do you feel when you
are around happy, laughing people? Usually, you cant help but feel good
yourself right?. All emotions are energy and energy passes from one body to another;
from one object to another; matter to matter. Laughter is contagious!
You clear your house of negative energies and replace them
with positive ones. Laugh once in a while. Promise. It'll help. :)
For my younger bro.. all the love!
skinny celebs - I dont know what the hell is going on in Hollywood, but I blame Calista Flockhart for starting the trend of unusually skinny bird bitches. Just take a look at Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, or Paris Hilton; there is nothing attractive about being so skinny that Somalians fear for your health. Girls should have curves, and boobs, and they should be soft and enjoyable to touch. I dont know about the rest of the world but the idea of making out with the skeleton that hung in the corner of my high school science lab never appealed to me. They just should just go the whole nine and be full fledged porn stars, at least then theyd get paid for being the anorexic sluts that they are.
emo/punk bands - Every song written by these dingleberry losers sounds alike. I heard this song from this local band, chicosci vampire shit whatever fuck they call themselves and I farted that lasted 4 minutes, the length of the full song, and it had more tone, charisma, pathos, and talent than every emo band album put together. A friend of mine encouraged me to go watch an emo concert and I just walked out of the shit that they put on. I then went home, and watched my wall, which was better. I hope these bands stop recording shit, and I pray radio someday stops playing them. I also hope that they get on a plane that crashes into a fish tank full of ravenous pirahanas that eats their faces off but leaves them to live horribly disfigured lives. I have nothing against rock bands nor with their music, REALLY. Its just that these emo fuckers irritate the hell out of me. Be a real band like Incubus, and probably ill watch a concert
disclaimers on medicines - Warning: This drug may cause heart murmurs, loss of bladder control, blindness, dylexia, thoughts of being a douchebag, brain embalism, the urge to shove poop in your mouth, suicidal thoughts, hemorahging, and make your face like your own ass.
Seriously.
Not only is there some new designer prescription for everything from nosebleeds to severe allergies, the side effects that they cause are horrifically worse than the problem they are prescribed to get rid of.
enteng kabisote(vic sotto) and his fans - This movie licked so much shit that Vic Sotto eventually ended up imploding after licking his own shit for three consecutive days. This movie sucked ass, lots of ass, immense amounts of ass, and fans of this movie can lick even more ass. Every time I hear someone say 'Gosh, the lead character is sooo handsome!' I want to chop them in the larynx and cut off their oxygen supply. HELLO? vic sotto may be the perfect epitome of a tall, dark and handsome type of dude but that was when he was YOUNGER. This movie is a shining example of how you can shit on film and the public will eat it up. Now Vic Sotto propaganda and consumer products over run every movie store shelf. I see no need for people with such obvious weak-wills and bad taste to continue existing. The only way this movie could have been worse is if it starred alongside Willie Revillame.
obese peeps who are on this shitty south beach diet - I dont know what the fuck 'south beach' thinks it is, but no good can come of his diet. There is no simple, or easy, way to lose weight. I takes hard work, exericse, eating smaller healthier portions and being conscious of the fact that you need to lay off fast food and mudpies. If youre pushing a metric ton then there should be no thought in your mind whatsoever that you should lay off bread and rice and eat more meat.
along these lines are vegetarians. If you dont eat meat youre a moron. I am so sick and tired of all of these skinny, wheat smelling, ass-puppets telling me that meat is murder or eating red meat is unhealthy. Wanna know whats unhealthy? Being fourteen pounds, soaking wet, and then trying to lecture me on the benefits of your diet and how healthy you are. Would you like to know what else doesnt eat meat? Everything that is made of meat that I eat.
parents of obese children - Any parent who lets their kids look like this and then blame society because their children are social outcasts and mocked openly. What happens then is that fattys mommy raises enough of a ruckus that I cant order a Double Bacon Cheeseburger anymore because she is too stupid to realize her walrus children have been cramming down the caloric intake of a 750lb sumo-wrestler since the age of two. Its your fault your kids arteries are clogged because youve condoned their diet of fat, grease, and smaller children. Instead of screaming that McDonalds needs to make their food healthier why don’t to you jack-hammer juniors super-sized ass off of the couch and make him do some pushups. It will be good for him, or he will suffer a massive coronary, either way its a win-win situation. Im not the healthiest person in the world but even I know that if I eat Mcdonalds and drink soda seven days a week I am going to rival a sumo-wrestler in weight, girth, and water displacement . Hell Im fairly certain that McDonalds hamburgers dont even contain actual beef. Unfortunately it would probably take two or three cyanide darts to take these parents down because they’re obviously the size of a woolly mammoth.
reality t.v. shows - This means cast, crew, producers, and fans. Reality TV is, by far, the most hideous waste of electrons ever, wanna know why? Because instead of going out and doing things like..well..anything, they sit at home and watch what is going to happen to other peoples lives. I am all for television and movies because I believe everyone should enjoy a good, well told, story. Movies and TV are great entertainment and I will concede that i do occassionally plant my ass in front of the one eyed god of knowledge. (usually on nights when NBA or UEFA is on) I detest reality television. Reality TV is hardly ever reality because there is a cast and crew behind the scenes antagonizing certain characters, editing things a certain way, but all in all its a dumb fucking idea. Its about the most apathetic form of entertainment ever. Reality Television is horribly cliched, fit every stereotype, thus perpetuating those stereotypes, piece of monkey shit. I would enjoy storming the set of shows like PDA and Pinoy Big Brother and all of the other shitty reality tv shows. It will make for a great series finale.
Im sure theres more to this list, but if you have any suggestions. Email Me.
disclaimer
Spelling error and poor grammar in this blog are the product of a poor school system.
This blog is intended for the use of the individual
user named above and may contain information that is
confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive
persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational
religious beliefs. My opinions are neither copyrighted nor trademarked,
and it's price competitive. If you like, I'll trade for one of yours.
None of the ideas expressed in this blog are actually mine, they are told to me
by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my
desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust
bunnies they may find under there. The rants written herein do not conform to
my views or to any accepted standard of logic that the Greeks thought up.
Unless the word 'absquatulation' has been used in its correct context somewhere
other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use
and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this blog,
although the golden retriever next door is living on borrowed time. Those of
you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that
there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards,
so just ignore that Alert Notice from the conscience behind your head. If
you have come to this blog in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites
and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand
for 2 hours before icing.
Have fun! :)
all the love,
jesma
Sunday, March 9, 2008
shit list (pardon for the profanity)
skinny celebs - I dont know what the hell is going on in Hollywood, but I blame Calista Flockhart for starting the trend of unusually skinny bird bitches. Just take a look at Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, or Paris Hilton; there is nothing attractive about being so skinny that Somalians fear for your health. Girls should have curves, and boobs, and they should be soft and enjoyable to touch. I dont know about the rest of the world but the idea of making out with the skeleton that hung in the corner of my high school science lab never appealed to me. They just should just go the whole nine and be full fledged porn stars, at least then theyd get paid for being the anorexic sluts that they are.
emo/punk bands - Every song written by these dingleberry losers sounds alike. I heard this song from this local band, chicosci vampire shit whatever fuck they call themselves and I farted that lasted 4 minutes, the length of the full song, and it had more tone, charisma, pathos, and talent than every emo band album put together. A friend of mine encouraged me to go watch an emo concert and I just walked out of the shit that they put on. I then went home, and watched my wall, which was better. I hope these bands stop recording shit, and I pray radio someday stops playing them. I also hope that they get on a plane that crashes into a fish tank full of ravenous pirahanas that eats their faces off but leaves them to live horribly disfigured lives. I have nothing against rock bands nor with their music, REALLY. Its just that these emo fuckers irritate the hell out of me. Be a real band like Incubus, and probably ill watch a concert
disclaimers on medicines - Warning: This drug may cause heart murmurs, loss of bladder control, blindness, dylexia, thoughts of being a douchebag, brain embalism, the urge to shove poop in your mouth, suicidal thoughts, hemorahging, and make your face like your own ass.
Seriously.
Not only is there some new designer prescription for everything from nosebleeds to severe allergies, the side effects that they cause are horrifically worse than the problem they are prescribed to get rid of.
enteng kabisote(vic sotto) and his fans - This movie licked so much shit that Vic Sotto eventually ended up imploding after licking his own shit for three consecutive days. This movie sucked ass, lots of ass, immense amounts of ass, and fans of this movie can lick even more ass. Every time I hear someone say 'Gosh, the lead character is sooo handsome!' I want to chop them in the larynx and cut off their oxygen supply. HELLO? vic sotto may be the perfect epitome of a tall, dark and handsome type of dude but that was when he was YOUNGER. This movie is a shining example of how you can shit on film and the public will eat it up. Now Vic Sotto propaganda and consumer products over run every movie store shelf. I see no need for people with such obvious weak-wills and bad taste to continue existing. The only way this movie could have been worse is if it starred alongside Willie Revillame.
obese peeps who are on this shitty south beach diet - I dont know what the fuck 'south beach' thinks it is, but no good can come of his diet. There is no simple, or easy, way to lose weight. I takes hard work, exericse, eating smaller healthier portions and being conscious of the fact that you need to lay off fast food and mudpies. If youre pushing a metric ton then there should be no thought in your mind whatsoever that you should lay off bread and rice and eat more meat.
along these lines are vegetarians. If you dont eat meat youre a moron. I am so sick and tired of all of these skinny, wheat smelling, ass-puppets telling me that meat is murder or eating red meat is unhealthy. Wanna know whats unhealthy? Being fourteen pounds, soaking wet, and then trying to lecture me on the benefits of your diet and how healthy you are. Would you like to know what else doesnt eat meat? Everything that is made of meat that I eat.
parents of obese children - Any parent who lets their kids look like this and then blame society because their children are social outcasts and mocked openly. What happens then is that fattys mommy raises enough of a ruckus that I cant order a Double Bacon Cheeseburger anymore because she is too stupid to realize her walrus children have been cramming down the caloric intake of a 750lb sumo-wrestler since the age of two. Its your fault your kids arteries are clogged because youve condoned their diet of fat, grease, and smaller children. Instead of screaming that McDonalds needs to make their food healthier why don’t to you jack-hammer juniors super-sized ass off of the couch and make him do some pushups. It will be good for him, or he will suffer a massive coronary, either way its a win-win situation. Im not the healthiest person in the world but even I know that if I eat Mcdonalds and drink soda seven days a week I am going to rival a sumo-wrestler in weight, girth, and water displacement . Hell Im fairly certain that McDonalds hamburgers dont even contain actual beef. Unfortunately it would probably take two or three cyanide darts to take these parents down because they’re obviously the size of a woolly mammoth.
reality t.v. shows - This means cast, crew, producers, and fans. Reality TV is, by far, the most hideous waste of electrons ever, wanna know why? Because instead of going out and doing things like..well..anything, they sit at home and watch what is going to happen to other peoples lives. I am all for television and movies because I believe everyone should enjoy a good, well told, story. Movies and TV are great entertainment and I will concede that i do occassionally plant my ass in front of the one eyed god of knowledge. (usually on nights when NBA or UEFA is on) I detest reality television. Reality TV is hardly ever reality because there is a cast and crew behind the scenes antagonizing certain characters, editing things a certain way, but all in all its a dumb fucking idea. Its about the most apathetic form of entertainment ever. Reality Television is horribly cliched, fit every stereotype, thus perpetuating those stereotypes, piece of monkey shit. I would enjoy storming the set of shows like PDA and Pinoy Big Brother and all of the other shitty reality tv shows. It will make for a great series finale.
Im sure theres more to this list, but if you have any suggestions. Email Me.
c
"Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter"
-Friedrich Nietzche
it has been crazy five years full of cracky, non-sense and whimsical humor blogging.
what started out as a "for-profit" racket of a graduating elementary student (which he really
didn't need) turned out to be one of his hidden passions -- writing. truly, writing is the world's
most favorite metaphor, and sharing it, broadens the adventure to begin with. rudyard kipling once
qouted, "words are the most powerful drug used by mankind" if that was so, i am due for rehabiliatation
just to get over with the addiction. the pen is the tongue of the mind so let your mind speak, and write it
down; for words are so many things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought, produces
that which makes thousands, perhaps millions.
theverybestofjessiemaria[dot]com, jesma's current and 4th blog, and possibly his last will be a hopefully
collection of his best hits since he started blogging in 2003. a frustrated novelist, he is currently studying
in Portsmouth, UK, struggling through his first year at University as a Eng'g Physics Nursing major. He
hopes to find some success in writing so as to soften the blow when telling his parents how much he is flunking
the course they would be funding for the next five years.
As a seasoned interweb dork, Jesma's diet consists mostly of a steady supply of energy drinks and
Cool Ranch Doritos. Because of this, Jesma must supplement his diet with a steady source of positive
feedback in order to survive. You can contribute to Jesma's continued existence by either leaving a
comment or by sending him an email at rossiyskaya_federatsiya@yahoo.com
an essay to the ateneo de manila's admissions personal essay requirement. the question was:
Are there any siginificant accomplishments you have realized, that helped defined you as a person?
-- I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train
stations on my free time, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone
playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30-minute brownies in
20 minutes.
I am an expert in snakes n' ladders, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass
of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays,
after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend
passes. Last summer I toured around the whole world traveling with centrifugal force demonstration. My
deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise lost, Moby Dick,
and The Odeyssey in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the
exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated
with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate
in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made
extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.
I breed prize-winning dandelions. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka,
and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played with Cirque du Soleil, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken
with Elvis.
